Another page turns (9)

This has been a busy year and it's not over. Last week my father died suddenly. He had heart trouble for many years but you just aren't ready for the final day. He was 91 yrs old. He had been getting more feeble, had fallen a couple of times, and just wasn't feeling well for many months. He went quickly which is a good thing/bad thing. He wasn't in pain for a lengthy time but he was alone  in the ER. I hadn't spoken to him in about a week, we were preparing for our vacation. But that is the way it goes sometimes. One question keeps running through my head.

How do I feel about my father dying?
I wasn't close to my dad which doesn't mean I was not sad at his passing, just don't' have the same feelings that I did when my mother died. I have to admit I was devastated when my mother died in 2009 - I still miss her. We were very close and spoke every day, sometimes several times a day.

I didn't know my father very well. He was difficult to approach and was a distant person. He worked 1 full time job and 2 part time jobs for as long as I can remember. He felt his mission was to provide for his family, which he did very well. But that also meant he missed out on some of our school events, family outings and celebrations. When the holidays approached, he would work because those days paid better. We would have Christmas at 3 or 4 AM so he could get to work - we'd go back to bed. Same for Thanksgiving. We would wait and have dinner when he was getting home from work. I am not complaining, just letting you know what I remember.

He loved his family but just couldn't express the feelings. I never heard I love you - I am proud of you - I am happy for you. Never sat on his lap, held his hand. He was a better grandfather than father. Maybe he learned how much he missed with his kids. To me he was a shadow.

I didn't know much about my dad. I don't know exactly what he did at his job that he worked at for 32 years. He didn't like to talk about his childhood, I heard things from his sisters about how hard farm living was during the depression but never anything from him. He was reserved and silent unlike my mother who was bubbly and loved to show affection to her kids and grandchildren. He served in WWII and was always proud of that. His legacy is the large family he left, from 4 daughters he had 9 grandchildren, 15 great-grandchildren and 3 great-great grandchildren. Another page turns in life when your parents are gone. The only home I have ever known will be emptied and someone else will live there after 56 years.

I love you Dad and I know you loved me in the only way you knew how. Goodbye Dad, the greatest man I never knew.



Sometimes the poorest man leaves his children the richest inheritance.  ~Ruth E. Renkel