This is the last time I write about this subject – my sisters and that side of my extended family.
Since my parents passed away, mom in ’09 and dad in ’11, the strain between my sisters and I has grown more distant than I ever imagined. Since I was a child we haven’t been close like I thought we should be. I had my mother and her sisters to compare and we were NEVER like them. As I have gotten older I now realize it must be the distance in our ages. My mother and her sisters were close in age that was the way it was in the “old days” – a child almost every 18 months. But we are spaced further apart; I am 14 yrs younger than the oldest sister.
Okay – for about the past month I have been “negotiating” with the sister that is the executrix for furniture items from our parents house (my mom chose her since I lived out of state at the time, but later told me she wanted me to be the executor but was afraid to hurt her feelings, funny – this sister was never afraid to hurt my mother’s feelings). The other sisters I am sure felt as the executrix – I should have to pay for the items I wanted. I knew my mother very well and this was not what she wished. We were to take what items we wanted and sell what was left.
At first I thought – ok, I don’t want to fight, I will pay for the furniture my child needs and be done with it. Then I got to thinking about my mother’s wishes and recently found a note written from mom to back me up so I wrote a letter to the executrix telling her I would not be paying for the items and I would be going to the house and pick up the items as soon as I could.
This week I received a response from the executor. She had consulted an attorney (!) and I didn’t have a leg to stand on. No legal documentation so I get nothing. I was not even given the opportunity to purchase anything. She has changed the locks at the house and it is done. She and the other sisters will have an estate sale (there’s not much there of value) and keep the money. I know for a fact my parents have little debt, the house was a reverse mortgage; it goes back to the mortgage company so I don’t know what bills they think they have to pay. I am not saying this to get any money; I don’t want anything from them - ever.
One of the ironic things is the executrix professes to be such a “Christian” woman, spouting bible verses left and right, she will go to heaven and you may not; she is such a religious person full of charity for anyone but me. She has been the most hateful, hypocritical, vindictive person towards me since this all began. I know former alcoholics that treat me better than my sisters.
When I was first dating my second husband and we decided to move into together she told me I was making a mistake, that God would not bless my life. I know now that maybe she was jealous or wanted me keep living with our dad so she wouldn’t have to mess with a 90 yr old man. I had done it for over a year and it was hard to be there day to day.
She was sooooo wrong. God has blessed me in more ways that I ever believed was possible. I have a wonderful husband who I love deeply and loves me, great kids and grand kids I have more friends than I ever had before, they have become my family.
The slender thread that was holding us together has shredded and fallen away. I am an only child and orphan. They have no hold on me anymore. I finally stood up for myself t and even though it didn’t work out like I wanted, I have nothing left unsaid to them. I have no plans to ever see them again. I know they won’t miss me, I was invisible to them all my life and it isn’t going to change now.
I have been through several life events over the past 3 years: a devastating divorce, death of both parents, losing my home, a job, surgeries and physical ailments. I made it through all and I am stronger now for them.
I have also gained so much due to these events: I had a wonderful counselor that taught me how to survive life’s challenges, married a wonderful man that God had saved for me, have great friends and terrific kids (and their families).
My sisters don’t get to be in my life and I am okay, they have no clue about me. It will take time for me to grieve it out of my soul but the recent events have proved that what I felt as a child was the truth - they have never cared for me (no matter how they protest the opposite) and there was nothing wrong with me. My mother loved me greatly and she was the best. I have great memories of our times together and that is something they don't have.
Goodbye
Friends are God's apology for relations. ~Hugh Kingsmill
