As Time Goes By (15)

As I approach the end of another decade of living, aging has been an issue for me lately. I know I am better off than most my age but there are still things about aging I don’t like.
                              

Due to my mother’s influence, my hair has been important since I can remember. I wasn’t allowed to leave the house without my hair clean, combed and “fixed”. 

Mom loved Tonette perms, I was a teen before I knew how my hair really looked like.

 I am not sure where that came from for my mom, but hair was a big deal for her. Being blessed all my life with slightly curly hair it is hard for me now to accept straight, flat hair. I am struggling with finding the right style and accepting that it is what it is and live with it. 

                               

Once I was flexible and slightly athletic. Not anymore. I know I should exercise more, especially with  desk job but I don’t have the energy, incentive, drive, stamina to do any. 

I bought a really nice bicycle last year. Monty and I had great intentions of riding into the wind down River Parks; rode it twice, fell off once (no injury). I did fall off a curb about 2 yrs ago; came down on my left knee, hit my chin on the sidewalk and broke a small bone in the top of my right foot. I haven’t been the same since.Then came gall bladder surgery and a skin cancer scare.

My physical shape is different. I asked my doctor about it and she said most women’s bodies shift around each decade. My clothes fit differently which is frustrating when trying to find something comfortable but nice to wear to work. Need to clear out what doesn’t fit and find new things that do (good excuse to shop for new items!). Back aches, neck aches, and headaches. Sometimes I feel betrayed by my body.

I have found that I need to be more aware about what I eat. Sugar and bread are enemies. Don’t feel good most of the time and I know that is a huge part of it. Old habits are hard to break.

When I was raising my children, their father gone most of the time due to the military career, it was often just the 4 of us. I miss not seeing them more often and especially not able to spend enough time with my grandchildren. They would say I can visit anytime and babysit, but we are all busy and time gets away from me. I now know how my mother felt when I wouldn’t visit often enough and when I lived out of state. Having one of my chicks away from my nest is very difficult; I am afraid my grandson in Arizona won’t know who I am and eventually won’t care. I guess all grandparents feel that way. Monty has grandchildren he rarely sees; is it different because I am a mom? I don’t know.

I worry about not having finances as I age. I don’t have retirement funds and if social security is available, that is all I will have. If Monty dies first, and I don’t have enough, do I have a child that will willingly take me in? These are things that cross your mind as you get older and I can’t work forever (don’t want to). A friend told me once that life doesn’t owe me anything. I am to live the best I can, do the best I can and love myself. God wants me happy and will provide whatever I need.

When I was younger and had just gotten married, a group of friends and I sat around one day talking about how long we thought we’d live. I said, “I can’t imagine being older than 35.” How stupid was that statement?? I didn’t know then I was predicting the length of my first marriage. 

But this is not all negative. I am blessed with a wonderful husband who is loving, encouraging, patient, and understanding of this sometimes melancholy and sad woman. We have such a wonderful time together and I look forward to growing even older with him. We have hopes for a long life and many adventures along the way.

  How my mind's eye sees us.

                                            

I have great friends who are willing to listen to me whine about my issues. I have a job that pays the bills. I am not in the hospital and not in jail. My mother would say, “I don’t mind getting older, it beats the alternative.” She was right, I am blessed to be living in this day and time, and be with a man who loves me beyond my wildest dreams. I have finally joined the land of the living and I am grateful.

I will accept my age and keep going forward (what choice do I have - smile).

How we may really look to someone else.

There is always a lot to be thankful for, if you take the time to look. For example, I'm sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don't hurt.  ~Author Unknown